I have no idea what's going on with me. I get so mad and jerky at my parents, I randomly start thinking about my Inang, I get huge mood swings outta nowhere. Being like this makes me feel really stupid.
Thursday:
I went to City Beach. I rock climbed, played on an inflatable slide jumper thing, and got hit my 3, yes three, dodge balls.
Saturday:
When I was doing that Santa Cruzan thing I saw Geneva and Kristina. Pretty weird. Uhm, I wore like 5in heels, cos my cousin is gigantically tall, open back dress that showed my nasty fat on my back, and omgaah the wind! It was so cold, felt like we were walking for hours. Plus the after parade dinner crap made my mom feel woozy. But that didn't stop their butts from going to Reno. -__- What is that? 3rd weekend in a row?
After the dinner I asked if I could go out, my dad said 3 hours. I said, "Mhm, sure daddy." Then they left for Reno. I left around 6:30, came 11:30 ish. We went to Chilies, watched Night at the Museum 2, and Tuttimelon. First time going, thank you very much.
Sunday:
This morning, or yesterday I slept 'til 12, did nothing but watch tv, go on the computer, edit pictures, and eat like an anorexic who can't chew. But my brother bought In N Out, it hurt, Vic came over and we watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, and now it's 12:58 am and I'm starting up Changeling. Btw, I just vacuumed, yes vacuumed a huge spider. :O
Like I said earlier, I've been thinking of my Inang. She died on my birthday, in 2007. When we were watching Benjamin Button, and how people come and go and crap just made me want to cry. Well I really need to get this off my chest, so here I go;
When she first came to America, I was really excited. Cos yenno, I never met her. She came to live with us first, in our Heron Bay house. I remember the computer room/weight room became her room. So I used to go there to use the computer and stuff. She used to watch me while she looked at pictures of me, my brother, and sister too. She really liked looking at our baby pictures. My dad used to tell me she would look at the same ones everyday. Just cos.. She got tired of staying with us, because we were always at school, work, and yeah. So she left to go to my auntie's house. Anywho, my uncle was getting married, and we went to Reno, of course. -__- Honestly, it was no secret, people were getting tired of her attitude towards my Ate Joy's fiance. And yeah, most people started to not like her as much, including me. :( I know it sounds harsh, but it's the truth. And I feel like she left us before I got to really know her. And she left knowing she wasn't actually well liked. I feel really bad that I only visited her once in the hospital. People tell me, yeah people leave, and that she's in a better place now. But NO, telling me that does NOT make me feel better. It makes me feel worse. Sure you tell me that every thing's going to be alright, blah blah blah. My birthday last year was pretty good, but weeks before I was crying every night. Just thinking that I could have gotten closer to her, or said goodbye. I see one of my friends losing people she loves often, it seems, and I have no idea how she's doing this. She's literally my hero. Now that I think about it, if I'm this bad when I think about her, how's my dad doing? It's driving me nuts, I can't get the picture of my Inang's lifeless body out of my head. I still remember leaving school early for her wake. Her body just there, lying in white clothes and no shoes. I remember being the loudest crier. I had to leave the room, cos I was probably disrupting the service. They made all the grand kids 'bless' her, yenno? When you put you forehead to their hand? First time I touched a dead body, so cold.
At school, yes, I can put on a happy face, laugh, and try to act normal. But really, only a couple people can see through my fake smiles, laughs, and crap.
I've been feeling really bad cos the way I act towards my parents. Like, one tiny question would annoy me, and I'd answer with such an attitude. Then a couple minutes later, I'd realize what I've done and try to act differently. Because I know for a fact, my brother ALWAYS acts like that with them, and I KNOW it hurts them real bad. I don't wanna do that to them. :(
Plus my parents gave me money, for grades and stuff. And I feel bad to for that too because I know they don't have much money anymore, and yet they still give it to me.
* Currently hearing
Changeling ft. Angelina Jolie's voice.
I'm heeecka crying right now. It's 1:47 am, I need to talk to someone. But I don't wanna bother anyone with my boring sob stories. I'll deal. G'night suckaas, my eyes hurt, my teeth are killing me, and my nose is going nuts. Great night, I know.
Thursday:
I went to City Beach. I rock climbed, played on an inflatable slide jumper thing, and got hit my 3, yes three, dodge balls.
Saturday:
When I was doing that Santa Cruzan thing I saw Geneva and Kristina. Pretty weird. Uhm, I wore like 5in heels, cos my cousin is gigantically tall, open back dress that showed my nasty fat on my back, and omgaah the wind! It was so cold, felt like we were walking for hours. Plus the after parade dinner crap made my mom feel woozy. But that didn't stop their butts from going to Reno. -__- What is that? 3rd weekend in a row?
After the dinner I asked if I could go out, my dad said 3 hours. I said, "Mhm, sure daddy." Then they left for Reno. I left around 6:30, came 11:30 ish. We went to Chilies, watched Night at the Museum 2, and Tuttimelon. First time going, thank you very much.
Sunday:
This morning, or yesterday I slept 'til 12, did nothing but watch tv, go on the computer, edit pictures, and eat like an anorexic who can't chew. But my brother bought In N Out, it hurt, Vic came over and we watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, and now it's 12:58 am and I'm starting up Changeling. Btw, I just vacuumed, yes vacuumed a huge spider. :O
Like I said earlier, I've been thinking of my Inang. She died on my birthday, in 2007. When we were watching Benjamin Button, and how people come and go and crap just made me want to cry. Well I really need to get this off my chest, so here I go;
When she first came to America, I was really excited. Cos yenno, I never met her. She came to live with us first, in our Heron Bay house. I remember the computer room/weight room became her room. So I used to go there to use the computer and stuff. She used to watch me while she looked at pictures of me, my brother, and sister too. She really liked looking at our baby pictures. My dad used to tell me she would look at the same ones everyday. Just cos.. She got tired of staying with us, because we were always at school, work, and yeah. So she left to go to my auntie's house. Anywho, my uncle was getting married, and we went to Reno, of course. -__- Honestly, it was no secret, people were getting tired of her attitude towards my Ate Joy's fiance. And yeah, most people started to not like her as much, including me. :( I know it sounds harsh, but it's the truth. And I feel like she left us before I got to really know her. And she left knowing she wasn't actually well liked. I feel really bad that I only visited her once in the hospital. People tell me, yeah people leave, and that she's in a better place now. But NO, telling me that does NOT make me feel better. It makes me feel worse. Sure you tell me that every thing's going to be alright, blah blah blah. My birthday last year was pretty good, but weeks before I was crying every night. Just thinking that I could have gotten closer to her, or said goodbye. I see one of my friends losing people she loves often, it seems, and I have no idea how she's doing this. She's literally my hero. Now that I think about it, if I'm this bad when I think about her, how's my dad doing? It's driving me nuts, I can't get the picture of my Inang's lifeless body out of my head. I still remember leaving school early for her wake. Her body just there, lying in white clothes and no shoes. I remember being the loudest crier. I had to leave the room, cos I was probably disrupting the service. They made all the grand kids 'bless' her, yenno? When you put you forehead to their hand? First time I touched a dead body, so cold.
At school, yes, I can put on a happy face, laugh, and try to act normal. But really, only a couple people can see through my fake smiles, laughs, and crap.
I've been feeling really bad cos the way I act towards my parents. Like, one tiny question would annoy me, and I'd answer with such an attitude. Then a couple minutes later, I'd realize what I've done and try to act differently. Because I know for a fact, my brother ALWAYS acts like that with them, and I KNOW it hurts them real bad. I don't wanna do that to them. :(
Plus my parents gave me money, for grades and stuff. And I feel bad to for that too because I know they don't have much money anymore, and yet they still give it to me.
* Currently hearing
Changeling ft. Angelina Jolie's voice.
I'm heeecka crying right now. It's 1:47 am, I need to talk to someone. But I don't wanna bother anyone with my boring sob stories. I'll deal. G'night suckaas, my eyes hurt, my teeth are killing me, and my nose is going nuts. Great night, I know.
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