It's May!
Today's my dad's 53rd birthday. (: Happy birthday daddddy.
Feels like I haven't blogged in forever. Lol, prolly cos I haven't. A lot has happened. I finally feel like a teenager. Family problems, hating school, boys, insecurities. Life, is just great isn't it?
I remember just a year ago, I was hella closed off. I didn't talk about my problems, and I'd do anything to keep you out. Even if, in the end, I'll get hurt. I'm not even close to that anymore. I'm open, and I'm not scared anymore. Unless, yenno, I don't really know you. Haha.
My phone just recently pissed me off. Every thing's gone, contacts, old texts, pictures. I'm mad about it, but I could never get myself to delete some of those texts, soo maybe it was for the best.
Swimming has been sucky! I can't swim, and I wish I never took it. And every one's making fun of me cos I'm hella burnt colored. ):
Whenever I start a blog, I feel like I won't know what to say, but once I get going, I'm unstoppable. Haha, until I feel stupid.
I've never been so content, yet so unhappy with my life. Like, dude. Life is goood. But then again, when I really think about it, it sucks. Then I cry. I never saw myself as the super emotional type. But this year, this school year, really changed me. I see everything differently; boys, school work, my future, family.
I don't think anyone understands the stress my family puts me under. Like you're probably thinking, wtf is she talking about. Perfect little Filipino girl. I've heard that so many times. But like, every thing's on my shoulders. Everything. I'm the one who will make life.. right again. I see so many families so close, so happy. And I compare it with who I live with. And, I just start to tear up. I know it's not good to "envy" but idk. Sometimes I just wish I was 6. When we'd eat together every night, sing karaoke, surprise my mom at work new years morning cos she wasn't home with us. I just miss my family. The ones who actually cared. No one cares anymore. No one.
Me? College bound? Not yet. I know I'll regret it later, with all these decisions I've been making lately. But I had my mind set on accounting 'til I actually did some accounting work in class, and it's way too boring for me. I can't do it. I'm currently thinking optometrist, but my parents never support my decisions, so idk. I feel like I'm going no where in life.
Love life? What love life? It's best if I like you first, forreal. Those girls call me harsh. But what? You rather have me lead someone on, and see how it goes then to spare their feelings and distant myself from them? Maybe I'm doing the wrong thing here but, idunno. Currently, I don't like anyone. I've "officially" talked to two guys. No more than that. I've learned a lot tho. I've been the one who sat there and did nothing, and I've been the one doing all the work. When I think back to it, I feel stupid. In the first one, I was just scared, I didn't know how these things went. And I personally thought it was too fast. In the second one, I felt like a fool. Being the first to contact them, text them, call them, go up to them. I know how it feels now, and I feel like a jerk. I'm not tryna be like, oh I got hella guys on me. Noo. But sometimes, I don't like meeting new guys. Cos they take my "niceness" and me being myself around them the wrong way, and get these like, "signals" from me. When I never sent any! Haha.
Idk. Well, this is too long already. 'Til next time! <3
* 143 - Ray J
Today's my dad's 53rd birthday. (: Happy birthday daddddy.
Feels like I haven't blogged in forever. Lol, prolly cos I haven't. A lot has happened. I finally feel like a teenager. Family problems, hating school, boys, insecurities. Life, is just great isn't it?
I remember just a year ago, I was hella closed off. I didn't talk about my problems, and I'd do anything to keep you out. Even if, in the end, I'll get hurt. I'm not even close to that anymore. I'm open, and I'm not scared anymore. Unless, yenno, I don't really know you. Haha.
My phone just recently pissed me off. Every thing's gone, contacts, old texts, pictures. I'm mad about it, but I could never get myself to delete some of those texts, soo maybe it was for the best.
Swimming has been sucky! I can't swim, and I wish I never took it. And every one's making fun of me cos I'm hella burnt colored. ):
Whenever I start a blog, I feel like I won't know what to say, but once I get going, I'm unstoppable. Haha, until I feel stupid.
I've never been so content, yet so unhappy with my life. Like, dude. Life is goood. But then again, when I really think about it, it sucks. Then I cry. I never saw myself as the super emotional type. But this year, this school year, really changed me. I see everything differently; boys, school work, my future, family.
I don't think anyone understands the stress my family puts me under. Like you're probably thinking, wtf is she talking about. Perfect little Filipino girl. I've heard that so many times. But like, every thing's on my shoulders. Everything. I'm the one who will make life.. right again. I see so many families so close, so happy. And I compare it with who I live with. And, I just start to tear up. I know it's not good to "envy" but idk. Sometimes I just wish I was 6. When we'd eat together every night, sing karaoke, surprise my mom at work new years morning cos she wasn't home with us. I just miss my family. The ones who actually cared. No one cares anymore. No one.
Me? College bound? Not yet. I know I'll regret it later, with all these decisions I've been making lately. But I had my mind set on accounting 'til I actually did some accounting work in class, and it's way too boring for me. I can't do it. I'm currently thinking optometrist, but my parents never support my decisions, so idk. I feel like I'm going no where in life.
Love life? What love life? It's best if I like you first, forreal. Those girls call me harsh. But what? You rather have me lead someone on, and see how it goes then to spare their feelings and distant myself from them? Maybe I'm doing the wrong thing here but, idunno. Currently, I don't like anyone. I've "officially" talked to two guys. No more than that. I've learned a lot tho. I've been the one who sat there and did nothing, and I've been the one doing all the work. When I think back to it, I feel stupid. In the first one, I was just scared, I didn't know how these things went. And I personally thought it was too fast. In the second one, I felt like a fool. Being the first to contact them, text them, call them, go up to them. I know how it feels now, and I feel like a jerk. I'm not tryna be like, oh I got hella guys on me. Noo. But sometimes, I don't like meeting new guys. Cos they take my "niceness" and me being myself around them the wrong way, and get these like, "signals" from me. When I never sent any! Haha.
Idk. Well, this is too long already. 'Til next time! <3
* 143 - Ray J
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