Last blog of the year

Feels like it's been forever thooo!

So practically all my December goals didn't happen, except the one about raising my grades. -__- That's a fail. We didn't have Christmas lights up, I didn't talk to my mom about much except in my Christmas card for her, I spent a lot buying presents, I didn't give my parents my paycheck but I'm giving them my last one, and we didn't even do secret santa. Whatever. Fuck it.

Christmas break has been pretty, boring. I did a lot of community service at my church tho. Made me feel a little good about myself. My dad was like pmsing for hella long. I understand cos I mean, he drives me everywhere. But it's good now. Like, I kinna don't even wanna talk to my parents much right now cos we're on such good terms. Prolly won't last longer than tonight, since I'm asking to go to the movies tomorrow. And that always ends with me yelling, them yelling and me just being pissed off.

I've gotten hella close to my confirmation class. I'm almost 100% sure they think I'm weird. They're all from freakin SL and private schools, so like, I feel like an outsider still. But they coo. One kid is about to get punched in his face tho, kid's hella annoying.

My goal before the end of the year was to read 10 books before new years day. I'm like 20 pages away from reaching it. Sooo, yeah.

Seems like, for a while now, I've been complaining about my girls. Saying I'm trying not to care or whatever. I've realized that, I've lost them. Out friendship last year is done. We're all doing our own thing. As much as it hurts to see them go, I guess my new years resolution is to just, talk to them. I'll try not to complain anymore. As much as I miss us, I can't fix it by myself. Don't get me wrong tho, I'll always be there for them. <3

My brother and sister haven't said more than two words to each other. This time last year, they both threw a party with my sister's friends and my brother's friends. When it hit midnight we played with some firecrackers and we all went to In N Out. Now they don't talk, they give each other shitty gifts, when we're all in the car together it's awkward. Idunno, it hurts cos I'm always in the middle.

Even though me and my parents are pretty good right now, they really hurt me on Christmas day. I just felt like they didn't give a fuck about me. I felt no love, I felt hurt, period.

I don't really let myself cry as hard as I used to. I used to just break down, lie in bed, and just let it all out. I can't do it anymore. I don't want to. I'm tired of being a baby.

As much as I want to change for 2011, I know I won't. Kinna sucks.

I miss you guys, I feel so unappreciated, I wish you guys would just make up, I pray you don't die, I need to feel loved too.

Yay. 2011 here I come. Happy new year hoes.

* Away From You - Tje Austin